You have no idea what it means to me to, for the first time, be getting in touch with what I actually need. I have turned to food as a means to fill the void (of friends, of an non-stimulating job, etc.), to shut out the critical voices (mine and other people's) and to be a constant in an ever-changing, chaotic world for decades. What I constantly seemed to forget was that after I finished bingeing I would still feel that void or hear those voices or remember the instability. PLUS, I would then feel the shame, guilt, and anger at myself for overeating. So I, in the end, made myself feel WORSE.
Not to mention that on the physical side, eating foods laden with salt, sugar, and bad forms of fat and/or overeating contributed to my lack of energy, lethargy, lack of desire to exercise, etc. If I felt tired in the afternoon at work, I, like a lot of Americans, wanted to grab the nearest cookie or, if I felt really bored (as I often do at my current job), I would just want to eat crackers as a way to feel my life was more interesting. Funny thing is that I always ended up feeling full, thirsty, more lethargic, and just plain gross on top of all the negative emotions I was trying not to feel.
The point of all this being that over 26 years, I have learned how to be completely out-of-touch with how I actually feel and what my body actually needs. As human beings, we are so complexly and beautifully designed to need very specific nutrients at specific times and to know instinctively what those foods are. But because of our focus on being thinner and thinner in the 20th century, we have lost touch with what we actually need to consume to be healthy and to be a weight that works for us. Also, we have lost ourselves in the desire to buy more, own more, have more money, work more hours, go, go, go, multi-task, multi-task, multi-task and we've stashed our emotions so deep down that it makes us uncomfortable to just sit with those feelings.
Guess what? I'm not doing it anymore! Let me repeat that: I'm not doing it, anymore!! Every day that I drop some weight, every day that I call a friend or write in my journal instead of opening up a box of crackers, every day that I choose to eat a piece of fruit over a piece of cake, I realize that I've turned a corner and I can't ever turn back. For the first time, I don't want to. I don't miss those days.
This is a bigger shift than I even realize sometimes. I have been overweight, unconfident, lethargic, unsatisfied, and living below the level of happiness and satisfaction that I deserve, since I was a child. You get to the point where you think that a) things will never change and b) this is all you are capable of being and feeling. That's a very powerful and taxing thought to have, even if you're having it unconsciously. I realize now that I'm not alone. More people than I even realize are living just below that level of health and happiness. Not so sick and depressed that they feel compelled to seek help, but not nearly at the level they could be. We are a nation of people living mediocre lives.
I'm a shining example that you can change. You can change! It's so easy to think that this is status quo, forever. But it's not. I'm not saying that change is easy but when you start to make changes, you start realizing how much better you feel. You start to realize that you can feel better. You can have more energy, sleep better, think more positively, love yourself better because you're taking more care of yourself.
When you start to live from a more intuitive place, you really start peeling the film from your eyes. Life has possibility! You are capable! You are beautiful and worth it! It becomes about more than just food, about way more than just losing weight. Living intuitively applies to every aspect of one's life. Start with the food piece, see how it evolves.
If you don't believe this, just ask me. I know from incredibly personal experience.
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